Let me introduce myself. I am… well, you can just call me Yapla, Your Average Parking Lot Attendant. But why do you care? Well, you probably don’t. But if you want to know what’s going through the mind of that guy (or gal,) pushing the carts as you whip by in your car while blaring your crappy music just moments after dragging a full cart of groceries out at five minutes past closing time only to have left your cart (MY CART, fucker,) sitting unattended by your now vacant parking spot, or if, perhaps, you’re another one of those guys (or gals,) pushing the carts and you’re just looking for some like minded venting, read on, there’ll be plenty more to come.
But for starters, let’s just cover the basics of parking lot etiquette, shall we? Hell, I may devote a full page to this one alone, but for starters, PUT’M WHERE THEY GO, DAMN IT!
If you happen to have stumbled upon a cart that was left unattended in the middle of the lot, near your car, perhaps, and choose to grab it since it was so handily there then, by all means, go ahead. But when you’re done, when all of your groceries and goodies are packed safely away in your trunk, bed, seats, or floorboards, don’t emulate the shitslut little douche-bag that left it there in the first place. No, instead, walk it to a corral or back to the store where it belongs.
If you got a cart from inside the store, you don’t have to take it back in. That’s what we’re here for. But please do utilize one of the many corrals placed all throughout the parking lot. We put them there for a reason. Use the fucking things.
“But I’m old,” you say. Well, not too old to have grabbed the cart in the first place. Old doesn’t mean mindless, and if it does, you shouldn’t be driving. Now if it’s just that it’s too much of a walk for you, park next to a corral. I know, I know, what if the spot’s already taken. Well, get as close as you can.
“But it’s hot out, I just want to get in my air conditioned car and get home,” you say. Well, FUCK YOU! Fuck the fuck right out of you. I know it’s hot out, you fucking moron, I’m in it for eight God-damned hours. Go fuck yourself. But in the meantime, push that damned cart into a corral.
This may all seem a bit excessive to some, but that’s why I’m devoting all this time into putting this little blog together for you all. I remember a day when I, myself, was unaware of just how much work went into keeping the lots clean and cars safe (yeah, shopping carts can do some damage – don’t believe me, come around that blind curve into the lot at 35 miles per hour again, I won’t stop the train of carts I’m grinding away at and you’ll see just the damage they can do.) But, here’s the kicker, I still wasn’t a complete thoughtless, mindless, self-involved piece of worthless wasted shitty flesh. I still put carts where they go. I still threw my fucking garbage away rather than tossing it into a cart. I still drove slowly through parking lots. Would you like to know why? Because it’s common sense and common courtesy, two things this world is greatly lacking in these days. Sure, I’m a foul-mouthed, grumpy, old asshole, but I keep it to my damned self and still manage to show complete strangers the same level of respect I expect to receive in return.
Now, if you’d like to learn more about how not to be an asshole, keep coming back and checking in for new content as I’m certain I’ll have plenty coming soon. On top of my daily posts(workday, mind you,) I’ll be putting up some pages for both consumers and fellow attendants alike (some of which might jive well with other service industry jobs, so who knows, can’t hurt to look, right?)
Until then, drive safe, shop smart, don’t be a dick, and put’m where they go, damn it!